What is 50 Dates in 50 States?

50 Dates in 50 States, is a sociological/ anthropological study of introductory dating culture in different areas of the United States.

It is my assertion that different states and distinct areas have widely different dating cultures and customs and that such behaviors are most apparent when two previous strangers meet for a first date. In this situation, both partners are hoping for the best, expecting the worst, and motivated to present their finest parts.

Committed to my investigation, I offer myself as one half of the equation on most, if not all of my unique encounters.

So… 50 Dates in 50 States is a dating blog?

At is very core, yes.

And a travel blog?

Well, you can’t very well date in other states if you don’t go to them.

But doesn’t it seem like you go on a lot of dates – 

began 50 Dates while employed with the theatrical tour of a musical about cheerleaders. Since I was moved by the company from state to state and my sole responsibility for my research was procuring a first dates every sit down. I left the show six months into the tour for gainful employment in my hometown, New York City.

Thrown into the abyss of full-time work, without the benefit of per diem or paid travel expenses, yet no less devoted to finding the truth, I have self-funded my study since then. This has slowed my project down, but has given me quite an opportunity to reflect on all that I’ve observed.

As I am my own travel agent, dating expert, publicity team, producer, accountant, scientist, hair stylist, and therapist, you can only imagine the massive amount of work attempting to date across the country can take and I strongly feel that it would be a disservice to mankind for me to rush the research.

In your blog, you make many assertions about life, dating, the universe, and the world at large. What are you credentials?

I, well – I have none.

Oh. Okay. So… how many states have you dated?

This weekend my esteemed colleague Dr. Kelly G., PhD. and I will be on a compare and contrast mission in New Hampshire and Maine, which will mark my 24th and 25th states dated. I am proud to say that I am well ahead of schedule. I had not expected to conclude my work until my seventies, but if all goes well, I’m on course to complete the study by age 68.

On a side note, this weekend also marks the day that I will be fifty percent done with my invisalign debacle.

What’s next?

I have a very exciting trifecta in the works: North Dakota, South Dakota, and Minnesota. I have also discovered cheap airline ticket to Savannah, Georgia, and Omaha.

However, this all hinges on life, budget, work, cheap travel, et al.

While I am between things, I think I will amuse myself with a side study of dating culture, whales, and caves in Iceland.

Has anyone else ever attempted such brave and brazen feat?

It is, indeed, an adventurous adventure.

For one, there’s always the risk of being discovered as a seeker, as opposed to a settler. Dating is a sport, not for the faint of heart, and extreme first-dating should only be undertaken after years of conditioning and mental preparation.

Many have tried, and many have succeeded. Some have sold their houses, bought cars, traveled from afar to do so. Champions, all.

I’m coming up last, it’s true. But as my least favorite yoga teacher ever once said, in a marathon the best stories don’t belong to the people who finish first. They belong to the people who finish last.

How do you approach your study?

In the interest of accurate data accumulation, I have a set of rules that I apply to my study.

Have you ever broken any of the rules?

Unfortunately, yes.

I no longer wear my date dress.

It was a versatile piece, ex-boyfriend approved and was intended to act as a control. Unfortunately, the dress met an unfortunate end during a jogging incident in Denver.

Never, ever jog in a dress at high altitudes.

Can you describe the primary components of a first date?

A first date is an awkward, commonly prearranged meeting between two strangers who are looking for a connection and are open to the possibility of pursuing a deeper bond.

First dates often occur at cafes or bars and are easy to spot. The individuals greet each other with a stiff handshake and a sly once over. They then engage in forced casual body language and uncomfortable laughter. The conversation leans toward the banal and benign, much like a job interview with drinks.

That said, some of my best first dates are the ones where I’ve been stood up.

Do you ever go on second dates?

Not officially.

What happens if you fall in love?

I fall in love every day.

What states so far do you recommend dating?

Colorado is very sock puppet friendly.

San Francisco will crush your heart in the most delightful way.

And New Orleans has a heartbeat like no other.

Any states you would never date in again?


Who watches your dog when you go away? 

Sadie usually stays with my friend Obi and his seventeen pound cat, Jules.

Jules enjoys grooming Sadie.

Sadie likes sniffing Jules’ butt.

What have you learned so far?

People are lonely.

And this country, which was once an abstraction for me, having lived most of my life in one tiny corner, and part of it in another tiny corner, is now becoming a real character, filled with characters.

The people I’ve met in my travels, first-dates, and others, have impressed me time and time again with their wit, their open hearts, their ability to dust off their knees and start again, their intellect, and their curiosity.

Meeting these men, each amazing in his own right, has been inspiring and, frankly, overwhelming.

I also must note that cities and towns have their own heart beat, some of them stronger than others.

Places with common passion and community, such as Milwaukee with its local food movement, New Orleans and Nashville with their music, Denver with its love of sock puppets – these places rear very nice, fairly sane, middle-aged, single humans. Loneliness is less of a concern.

Where there’s community, hope, and drive, there’s a sense of calm.

Who have you dated? Anyone I’ve ever head of?

I’ve first-dated a rocket scientist, filmmakers, mad inventors, a train conductor, a bunch of musicians, a green corporate consultant, an out of touch super rich guy, five cubs, an award-winning chef, a celebrity chiropractor, lawyers, oil men, entrepreneurs, artists, a farmer, and a Buddhist monk among others.

I have yet to date a professional clown.

Finally, do you have advice for other would be first daters?

1. Be an interesting person.

2. If you can’t find love in your own backyard, and you really, really, want it, look somewhere else. What’s the norm in your city/ state/ region, is exotic just across the river.

3. Treat people the way you want to be treated.

Keep talking. Tell your stories. Be careful with your words, Try to give more than you take. Laugh a lot, even if you don’t feel like it. Fall in love as often as possible. If you stumble and fall, dust off your knees and take another step forward. Do things that make you happy.

And, remember, going to bed alone is a hell of a lot better than feeling lonely when you wake up next to someone.


2 thoughts on “FAQ

  1. Im not that much of a online reader to be honest but your blogs really nice, keep it up! I’ll go ahead and bookmark your site to come back later. Cheers ecdefgfdaccd

  2. Here’s to many more scraped knees and the ability to lift yourself right back up again! Fun to see your take on your experiment.

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