Sisters

Here are five words I never considered putting together:

Cougar, cub, speed, date, and me.

Who knows what sort of sentences I’ll be able to make after Sunday night.

Perhaps I’ll be able to say: “On my cougar and cub speed date, the bartender flirted with me,” or, “though the dates picked up speed throughout the night, one unfortunate cub could not afford to buy me a drink and thus, I declined the opportunity to be his cougar.”

“This event is for older women and younger men,” says the website. “If you are a woman who is looking for younger, more energetic men, then this event is for you! And if you are a man looking for an attractive older woman with experience, then your search stops here.”

So, to simplify, if I am a woman (singular) looking for younger, more energetic men (plural)… or, if I am a man (singular) looking for a woman (singular), then my search will soon be over.

Is admitting to being a ‘cougar,’ license to date like a man?

I have so many questions.

What does one wear to a cougars and cubs speed dating event? Should I dress like I usually dress, i.e. like a six year old who dresses herself? Or do I try to look older, more sophisticated? Do I moisturize in the morning, or sit in the sun? Heels or flats? Pig tails or French twist? Vodka or beer?

Life was so simple when I still had my date dress.

My older sister is visiting from Canada. She’s staying with our mother, and calls to see if I’m free this Sunday night.

“I have an event,” I tell her.

“What sort of event. Can I come?”

“I don’t think you want to,” I answer, hoping vagueness will suffice.

It doesn’t.

Here’s a little bit about my sister. She’s curious with an academic tilt and awesomely interesting in an off-putting sort of way. She marches to a drum beat no one else can hear. She smokes. She drinks black coffee. She explodes mentos in soda for a hobby.

She’s relentless.

“Tell me,” she demands. Over the phone, I can hear the wheels in her head churning. She knows something’s up. She knows its going to be good.

“It’s a cougars and cubs speed date event,” I confess with an audible wince.

She doesn’t miss a beat.

“I want to go! That’ll be hilarious!”

“Really?”

“Absolutely,” she says. “It sounds terrifying!”

“Okay,” I say, “I’ll sign you up. But, what does one wear to a cougar and cub speed dating event?” She’s super smart.

“I don’t know.”

I look up the venue. Perhaps there will be a clue.

The reviews are surprisingly consistent.

“Do not visit this restaurant.”

“Actually, the worst experience I ever had….”

“There’s no reason to go here.”

“Please don’t come here unless you want to be in a complete fire hazard and possibly approached by a psychotic strange man who calls himself the owner/ manager.”

I email my sister. “So, to make matters even more interesting, the venue is supposed to be absolutely putrid,” I write.

“When you come visit me in St. Catherine’s, we will play bingo and go to an all-you-can-eat Chinese buffet,” she replies.

She’s the coolest sister ever.

1 thought on “Sisters

  1. I would wear a black form fitting suit, french twist, and track shoes. Look like a typical tough new yorker taking the subway and the track shoes are handy for the quick escape!

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