I want to impress you.
I want to surprise you.
I want to make you weep. To laugh. To catch your breathe on a corner of disbelief or snag a sideways view of a small truth trapped between two panes of glass.
But I don’t know if I’ll be able to do that.
I’m back in New York, where I’ve dated for the past ten years. I know the landscape. I know my generational peers. I know about their debilitating resistance to commitment. And who can blame them, when they might meet someone better the next day? Or the day after that?
I want to pounce. To attack. To pursue my study with the focus of a jaguar. I want to find a date in a New York Minute. Pin it. Pad it. Pummel it. And say goodnight.
But, dating isn’t a contact sport. Not at first, anyway. And not everyone wants to play. It’s more like checkers. Or tic tac toe.
Between working nights and hanging out at dog parks with a six pound version of Cujo, I’ll freely admit, I’m not much of a dating magnet.
If I were looking for a one night stand, I might try something like this:
But I’m looking for cold, hard, fact-type statistical thingies.
As a self-pronounced social anthropologist, my investigative nature craves investigation. I thirst for a large and varied sampling of dates.
To that end, I am researching speed dating.
The Urban Dictionary defines a speed date as “an organized social event to facilitate meeting new people, usually for hetero-sexuals wishing to meet new partners.”
Other terms related to speed dating:
Clearance Rack: a “group of single folks… who go to singles groups or dating schemes for the purpose of trying to find men (or women). Since they’ve probably been dumped several times and are desperate to sell, they are known as the clearance rack.”
Galfander: “someone who dates people under the pretense of being single. Especially applied when they do it on organized dating circuits, such as speed dating.”
Meta-date: “two people who could be dating, or used to date, agree to date other people on a particular evening at a particular place, meeting afterwards and/ or before to discuss the date.”
It looks like a great adventure.
I’ve combed the web. There are speed dating events for Indian singles, Black singles, Asian singles, Jewish singles, girls looking for sugar daddies, professionals looking for professionals, artist looking for artists, singles with advanced degrees looking for singles with advanced degrees, black women looking for white men.
But only one fits into my schedule.
Cougars looking for cubs.
If you can’t fight it, join it.
Will you be my meta-date?