Los Angeles Stats

I’m sitting on the proverbial curb, waiting for my ride to San Francisco, my dog sending me plaintive looks as she stares at my packed bags. It must be strange for her, I think, going blind like this, trusting that wherever I take her on any given day will be just fine.

It’s a cold day in L.A. We walked to the dog park, drank  coffee, wandered around the block. She’s been sniffing, licking, trotting, and looking. I’ve been thinking.

I have a true confession to make, and I hope you don’t feel like I let you down. I broke rule #8 a few dates ago and never went back. I ditched the date dress, left it hanging in the closet. It’s hard to wear a single dress for all terrains.

Anyhow, from October 7th through December 11, I’ve been on 7 1/2 dates, if you count the date crasher who bought more drinks for my date than he did for me. This is out of approximately 89 digital winks, flirts,  thumbs ups, and emails. Though I engaged in some heavy flirting at one bar, one cafe, and the dog park, these yielded no ‘live’ date offers.

Conclusion: I am much more attractive on screen than in person. Or, perhaps, it’s much more fun imagining what I’m like than seeing me in action.

I’ve been out with one waiter/bartender, one art director/friend (my mercy opening night date), a rocket scientist, two filmmakers, one chiropractor, and a super cute television tech guy who likes girls in latex.

Conclusion: Fifty percent of all men in L.A. are in the entertainment business. The rest are merely amusing.

I was never offered the opportunity, nor did I pursue the opportunity to make out on any of these dates.

Conclusion: Talking’s more fun than swapping spit on a first date.

Of these 7 1/2 dates, I’ve had one second date, and 5 and 1/2 offers for second dates that never came to fruition, not counting my friend.

On these dates, I consumed two veggie burgers with fries, one whole fish, two martinis, two fancy mixed drinks, one beer, a bottle of wine, and three coffees.

Conclusion: L.A. men drink more than they eat. And think I should, too.

The most interesting guys I “chatted” with online, but didn’t get to meet:

An Australian parapalegic filmmaker and a cowboy.

The worst handles I encountered from Southern Californian men:

“RUmyMrs.Claus,” “Hugz4U,” and “lonelyvirgin.”

My ride’s still not here, but I think it’s time to pack the last of my stuff. Turn off the computer. Lock the door behind me. And say good bye to this lovely crazy town.

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